The Missing Piece of Stoicism: Why Kindness is Strength
Watch the Interview:
If you search for the word "Stoic" today, you’ll probably see definitions like:
"Unemotional, indifferent to pleasure or pain."
"Enduring suffering without complaint."
"A person who suppresses their emotions."
This modern interpretation couldn’t be further from the truth.
Ancient Stoicism was never about being emotionally detached.
It was about emotional mastery, about developing a deep sense of brotherhood, resilience, and wisdom.
In my conversation with
, we explored this huge misconception and uncovered what Stoicism truly teaches about:Compassion and connection with others.
Strength through emotional control—not suppression.
The Stoic view on war, brotherhood, and justice.
How Stoicism relates to modern psychology.
Marcus Aurelius: The Philosopher-King of Brotherhood and Strength
Who Was Marcus Aurelius?
Marcus Aurelius (121–180 AD) was the Roman Emperor from 161 to 180 AD and the most famous Stoic philosopher. His personal reflections, now known as Meditations, were never meant to be published. They were his private Stoic exercises, reminding himself how to live wisely and virtuously.
But here’s what makes Marcus remarkable:
📌 He was a war-time emperor, constantly battling external threats.
📌 He had absolute power yet lived with humility and restraint.
📌 He believed in universal brotherhood—even toward his enemies.
The Misconception of Stoic Coldness
One of the most fascinating parts of Meditations is Marcus’s insistence on brotherly love (philostorgia in Greek).
“All men are made for one another. Either instruct them, then, or put up with them.” — Marcus Aurelius
Even while leading military campaigns, Marcus never dehumanized his enemies.
Instead, he saw all people—including the Germanic and Sarmatian tribes he fought against—as part of a shared human family.
This is what separates true Stoicism from modern misunderstandings:
❌ It’s NOT about emotional detachment.
✅ It’s about treating all people with justice and compassion.
Even in war, Marcus never abandoned his Stoic commitment to treating others fairly.
Stoicism and the Power of Emotional Control
One of the biggest takeaways from my discussion with Donald was how Stoicism redefines strength.
Most people think:
Aggressive people are strong.
Angry people are powerful.
Those who dominate others have control.
But Marcus Aurelius believed the opposite.
💡 He argued that angry people are actually weak.
💡 That true strength comes from mastering emotions and acting with wisdom.
📖 Fun fact: The general who launched a civil war against Marcus ridiculed him for being too "soft," calling him a “philosophical old woman.”
How did Marcus respond?
He didn’t let it shake him. Instead, he reaffirmed:
“True manliness consists in the strength of character to exhibit kindness rather than aggression.”
🔥 Let that sink in. 🔥
Marcus believed that real power isn’t about dominating others—it’s about controlling yourself.
This is what separates Stoic strength from toxic masculinity or the glorification of emotional suppression.
Why Do People Misunderstand Stoicism?
Donald explained that many ancient philosophical terms have changed meaning over time.
For example:
Cynicism once meant living in radical self-sufficiency (like Diogenes). Today, it just means being negative.
Epicureanism originally meant living simply with minimal desires. Now, it’s associated with indulgence in food and wine.
Stoicism used to mean cultivating wisdom and virtue. Now, it’s often mistaken for being emotionally numb.
Worse, in modern psychology, the word "stoicism" is sometimes used to describe unhealthy emotional suppression.
🛑 This is the opposite of ancient Stoicism!
True Stoicism is not about ignoring emotions. It’s about understanding them, processing them, and choosing the best response.
This is why Stoicism became the foundation for Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)—one of the most effective forms of modern psychotherapy.
💡 The Stoics didn’t suppress emotions—they transformed them.
The Stoic View on Love and Connection
One of the most overlooked aspects of Stoicism is its emphasis on social virtue and connection with others.
The Stoics believed that:
✅ We are all part of one great human family. (Cosmopolitanism)
✅ Natural affection is part of human nature. (Philostorgia)
✅ Justice, kindness, and fairness are the highest virtues.
Even Epictetus, known for his strict Stoic discipline, wrote about the deep affection we feel toward children.
💡 Stoicism doesn’t make you cold—it makes you a more patient, loving, and wise person.
This is why Stoicism is so valuable for parents. It helps cultivate:
✅ Patience in difficult moments.
✅ Compassion while setting boundaries.
✅ Emotional resilience to be a stable, loving guide for children.
I personally use Stoic principles every day in raising my son—not to be distant from him, but to be more present and emotionally balanced.
If you think Stoicism means being detached from loved ones, you’re missing the point.
Practical Stoic Exercises to Cultivate Strength and Compassion
Here are two simple exercises inspired by Marcus Aurelius that you can practice today:
1️⃣ The View from Above (For Perspective & Connection)
📌 How to do it:
Close your eyes and imagine yourself above your current location.
Zoom out—see your entire town, then your country, then Earth itself.
Reflect: How small are your problems in the grand scheme of life?
💡 Benefit: Helps you see beyond petty frustrations and cultivate a sense of universal brotherhood.
2️⃣ The Pause Technique (For Emotional Mastery)
📌 How to do it:
When anger or frustration arises, pause before reacting.
Ask: "Is this response aligned with my highest self?"
Choose the response that aligns with your values.
💡 Benefit: Helps you embody Marcus’s belief that true strength comes from self-control.
Final Thoughts: Redefining Stoicism for the Modern World
✅ Stoicism is not about cold detachment—it’s about emotional mastery.
✅ True strength is the ability to be kind without being weak.
✅ Marcus Aurelius believed in universal brotherhood—even toward his enemies.
👉 If you want to go deeper, watch my conversation with Donald Robertson here: